Even though for quite a few years I have been living with a series of details of my messed up cerebral reality, I actually did not actually understand the actual membership of this handicapped world. And yes, using the same word three times in the same sentence it is the lovely scene of my ‘normal’ reality. I am still exactly the same person, as a I was a bit younger before my brain was cut up a few times, but somehow I am myself also now living in a new reality which my computer has read back to me with my endless continuous mistakes.
Since my last brain operation 4 months ago, I have somehow started thinking of my new handicapped realities, and with the details of my own additional disability. But I am learning that a disability is what I have, and not what I am.
Yes, for me there are a lot of different and particular problems. One is different from the other, and they are all very annoying. Nevertheless, like it or not a lot of my handicaps become Super Powers when I hang out with my boy. But with other people, with ‘normal’ realities I really don’t want to talk and explain the dramatic details of the Glio Blastoma Multiforme. In fact, I don’t really go out socially as it does create me some stress that I really don’t like. Somehow, I probably have to get better socially but for now I’ll just attempt to narrate myself in my own house.
I am aware that every handicapped person has their own different ways and different priorities for their own reality. And it has been only a few months that I have actually understood how differently the entire World gets along with their own unconscious bias.
Yes, I am very much conscious that I myself behave wrongly with this social world, and that the culture around me makes me a classic negative judge of others’ annoying handicapped realities. We can’t assume that you have what you need to help a handicapped person. Every different person actually has their own physical or philosophical different details of their own life. While I am a bit stressed while waiting for a new oncological meeting, I do often find myself talking to other ill people and at times they really don’t want to talk.
In fact, I am conscious that most people have very different ways of fighting. All of them exist in their own parallel realities. In fact, the complexity of each person is really really different. Like just about everyone around has a cultural bias and that is why we have to keep this discussion alive and make sure that we can make a change. I am now becoming aware how this my new life is in similar battles while continuing fights with race, religion or female to fight in our culture. Somehow, I have to contribute my emotions and my creativity to this complexity of our cultures. It is Normal to have very different people. A handicapped person that is physical or not should be just particular. I do think of these attitudes as the new super heroes. And yes, if one needs a few minutes for your answer you can be just Fine!
As always my dear Martino I find your posts incredible – challenging and insightful. I really do hope to see you before too long perhaps at Christmas, when we might all overlap in rome,
xxxeleanor